Are Liberals Really Going to Bat for…Human-Dolphin Relations?

“I’m hoping that in a more enlightened future, zoophilia will be no more regarded as controversial or harmful than interracial sex is today.”

That’s a quote from a man named Malcolm Brenner, who is featured in a new documentary called Dolphin Lover, wherein Brenner tells the world about his relationship with a dolphin named Dolly and the passionate lovemaking that eventually resulted from their courtship.

No, we are not kidding.

One would think that human-dolphin sexual relations would be one of those issues that could bring all Americans (okay, 99% of Americans) together in a rousing round of condemnation, but we suppose that the left knows no bounds when it comes to the perversities they will embrace. For the leftists who always said it was ABSURD and RIDICULOUS to use a slippery slope argument for gay marriage, this one’s for you!

The Huffington Post’s Ashley Feinberg interviewed Brenner for her column on Friday, doing her part to open the door just a crack for that beautiful “enlightened future” that her subject dreams of.

“Does it bother you at all that people only seem to find this acceptable when it’s fantasy or an allegory? And do you think there will be a day when that changes?” Feinberg asked in reference to the Academy Award-winning film, The Shape of Water (which we did not suspect until now would be used as propaganda for the bestiality-loving weirdos in our society…but there you have it).

“Of course it bothers me. I don’t like people threatening to go Lorena Bobbitt on me because I made love with a dolphin,” he said. “Will it change? Who knows? I would like to think that society will become less religious, because the prohibitions in Leviticus are the only conceivable basis for any laws against bestiality. I can’t see that my boffing my dog has any effect on society, good or ill, as long as I’m not hurting her or abusing her. Laws against animal cruelty ought to be sufficient without criminalizing the act of interspecies sex, which organizations like PETA are trying to do.”

Damn, we never thought we’d find ourselves wanting to throw a few bucks to PETA, but if they’re pushing for laws against “interspecies sex,” we’ll be glad to support them in their cause. It’s kind of a shame that this has to even be an issue, but this is apparently the depths to which we’ve begun to sink as a nation. Dolphin sex? Oh, that’s probably fine! It was consensual, right?

Jesus Christ.