State Department: Cancel Your Iranian Vacation

If you think of the United States as a rocket ship transporting us through history one swift day after another, then it stands to reason that someone – the captain, the deck crew, the passengers, someone – should take heed of the sirens and alarms going off in the cockpit.

What’s that? The captain’s down below, chipping golf balls? And the deck crew is hopelessly incompetent and corrupt? And the passengers can’t get into the cockpit?

Well then. We might as well distract ourselves with something lighthearted while we wait for the ship to go careening into an asteroid.

How about this delightful memo from the State Department, warning Americans about the perils of traveling to Iran! The advisory was written to “highlight the risk of arrest and detention of U.S. citizens, particularly dual-national Iranian-Americans,” on Iran’s soil. “Foreigners, in particular dual nationals of Iran and Western countries including the United States, continue to be detained or prevented from leaving Iran.”

Now why on earth would that be happening?

“Iranian authorities have detained and harassed U.S. citizens, particularly those of Iranian origin,” states the warning. “Former Muslims who have converted to other religions, religious activists, and persons who encourage Muslims to convert are subject to arrest and prosecution.”

But…religion of peace…

“The U.S. government’s ability to assist U.S. citizens in Iran in the event of an emergency is extremely limited,” the advisory concludes, ominously.

Well, that wasn’t as enjoyable a read as we might have hoped. Kinda makes you think the captain shouldn’t have paid the Iranians $400 million for those jailed Americans back in January, huh? You almost wonder if he didn’t inadvertently set some kind of international precedent. Gee, that’s just what the Republicans said would happen.

Granted, Iran has a long history of poking Spaceship Satan from behind the Islamic Curtain, so not all of this can be laid at the feet of Captain Obama. But our last captain at least had the intelligence to realize that Iran had earned their spot in the Axis of Evil. Captain Obama, when he’s actually at the wheel, seems to actually believe that Iran is well on its way to becoming an important American ally. Seems to. He couldn’t possibly believe that for real. Could he?

Well, it doesn’t look like we’ll have much more time to think it over. The sirens are growing so loud that we can barely think. Maybe the captain will return to the helm and fix this thing before it’s too late.

Any minute now.