The Clintons? Trump? The Russians? Who Killed Jeffrey Epstein?

Oh boy.

When everyone from President Trump to Joe Scarborough is entertaining conspiracy theories about someone’s death, you know the steam is rushing out of the kettle. Both #TrumpBodyCount and #ClintonBodyCount were trending on Twitter this weekend as one of the highest-profile pedophiles in American history was found dead in his prison cell as a result of an apparent suicide. Jeffrey Epstein, whose Pedophile Island implicated some of the most powerful people in the world, allegedly hanged himself on Saturday morning, a confounding event for anyone who hoped the millionaire would face justice in a court of law.

Did Epstein bribe his jailers so that he could take the coward’s way out?

Did the stunning release of public documents the previous day – which named and shamed people like Bill Richardson and former Democratic House Majority Leader George Mitchell – have something to do with the timing of Epstein’s demise?

Did Bill Clinton somehow work his dark magic to bring Epstein’s life to a premature end?

Was it the Illuminati?

The Russians?

The Saudi Crown Prince?

Lord knows, this is going to turn into one of the preeminent conspiracy theories of our time.

And we can’t really blame anyone for jumping headfirst into conspiratorial waters. This thing stinks to high heaven. There’s no reason why Epstein, who had apparently just attempted suicide at the end of July, should have already been off suicide watch. There’s no reason he should have had the tools necessary to carry out the deed. And it’s extremely suspicious that he hanged himself a day after a judge unsealed case documents implicating a number of powerful individuals.

“There was no indication that he might try to take his own life,” an insider at the prison told the Daily Mail. “From what I saw, he was finally starting to adjust to prison. I think he was comforted by the rigidity of his new life.”

Well, who knows if that’s true or not. All we know is that Epstein’s cooperation with federal authorities could have had damning repercussions for any number of rich and powerful people. And now that cooperation is forever off the table.

Color us suspicious.